Qi Gong Pillows

Christmas Eve, and Rudolph leads the other reindeer in a Qi Gong session charging his nose with Qi to maintain its customary glow in the process.

When I asked you to expand your belt channel I was thinking more of energy than elastic...

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Queen of Quinoa

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

Queen Kong

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"The guy's a natural!"

The Gong

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

"And your Specialist Subject is 'Randomly Shouting Out Guesses to Questions You Know Nothing About'..."

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

Don Quichotte's shadow

'We really need to start hiring self-starters.'

How NOT to solve the problem of 'floating elbow' in your taiji

'Don't say anything!'

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

"Contestants, you have thirty seconds, two hundred and eighty characters, and an unfamiliar topic - can you find a way to make it all about you?"

"Every time he's right, he does that."

'I know it's witness protection but do we have to drink and smoke so much and play poker all day and night.'

The real reason we have natural disasters...

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

'Do you realise that every time I turn my head to talk to you it stimulates Qi flow along the small intestine, triple heater, stomach, spleen, gall bladder and liver meridians?'

'...he loves me, he love me not, he loves me, he...he...'

What I fail to understand is why you call it INTERNAL Alchemy

Taxi Rank

Queen Mary II

"Bladder 1, Stomach 17 and DU1. Collectively known as the 'whole load of nope' points."

'You think Jim's okay? He's been sat like that since I passed him the apple bong.'

Pam discovers the perils of practising Nei Gong in the kitchen after accidentally linking her Dan Tien to the washing machine cycle.

'I can't believe everybody isn't camping out to get in first.'

Gong