Puritanical Pondering T-Shirts

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

Drive-thru Church

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

"Nothing can be done about crime unless you deal with the root causes in the environment."

"Are you sure that this is really the way? I thought there was a staircase or highway?" "Maybe we should just go back down and pray!"

"Are we allowed to pray?"

Put it in writing!

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

Mounted Devil

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'Violence solves everything...'

"Great idea. . . but how do we go about converting everybody to Judaism?"

'I think I'm beginning to understand what sex is all about.'

"Dear God, what's the meaning of knife."

"I'm not sure if this is getting through and I don't know what time you finish for the day...."

Exercise for the end of the day...

"Far out Nigel, I know you're a purist, but at some point, you'll need to switch to e-books like the rest of us..."

"I don't know if a nap is part of God's plan for me."

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

'Mr. Turtle is interested in 'Single Prayer Health Insurance'...'

Answer to Prayers - NO

Can someone please tell me why they call this Good Friday?

Torah reading on the subway.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.