Purchaser T-Shirts

"Of course you don't need to tell me about your procurement plans for the year ahead. That would spoil the surprise and give us time to deliver value for money and who needs that?!"

"How can he achieve job satisfaction as a purchaser, if he never purchases anything?"

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Selling lemon latt�

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"Everything's gone up."

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

How Many It Takes

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

Fashion Mistake.

"Aren't you the old guy in purchasing whose decades of slavish devotion inspired us to replace you with a small army of sycophants?"

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

Karen was delighted that both her large and small suppliers had turned up for her industry day

'In conclusion, the supplier who can repeat this phrase fastest with least mistakes wins the catering contract...'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Our grocery carts are genetically modified.

High end of the market...

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

'And don't forget the eggs dear'

Salesman given 10 minutes under extreme pressure to sell to buyer

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times, I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

Discount Shopping.

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

Purchasing and Sales

Think Small.