Punning Perfectionist T-Shirts

'I didn't cook the books. Instead, I incorporated them into a tasty tuna noodle casserole!'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Surreal ale

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

"It's called being preemptive."

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

"Just a drop."

Quality Contorl.

There are more things to life than golf--but I ignore them.

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

Warren knew the importance of getting down as low as possible to sight his putts.

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

'On this hole you don't drive, just putt.'

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."