Punctuation Pundits Pillows

"To continue, press the 'star' key. If you're thinking to yourself, 'That looks more like an asterisk that a star,' you should lighten up."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Punctuation Police

Someone who knows apostrophes

'The Questioner'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

Dating an English Major

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

"Baxter...about this report...your punctuation, spelling and grammar are perfect. No one can understand it!"

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Various entrances to the gates of Hell."

"You have no idea what it's like to be a 'just between you and me' person in a 'just between you and I' world."

"I've just invented the question mark."

Ironing Punctuation

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

I have taken over Sarahs body!

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

'I can't take all the credit... I used spell-check.'

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

Punctuation Karaoke Night

Author Reading Today: 'Typos I missed when correcting proofs.'

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"Well, this might explain all of the recent punctuation errors."

I have a new linguistic pet peeve. It's when, instead of just saying something like, "Bob ate a sandwich," people say, "Bob, he ate a sandwich." It drives me absolutely crazy. Speaking as a psychiatrist, that's a short drive, Al.