Publishing Professional Prints

'I find your whole story difficult to swallow,' Literary Agent.

Gutenberg

"Dear Miss Philpott, aren't you excited to be part of a ground breaking experiment in desktop publishing?"

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

First Novels.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

Gay Times...

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."