Publishing Pro Pillows

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

'We know it's good...we had an excellent ghost writer.'

At last, he was able to plug into the distribution network of a major publisher.

"I'm sorry, Prolf. Minskov, but that article on Minskov's theory...they want someone else to write it."

"Your story is quite the booze-filled dive into the depths of depravity. Is this your first children's book?"

'I can get your sentence reduced to time served, but your publisher says that will really hurt your book sales.'

'This is an excellent article about your life in the forest, Mr......uh....Miss Herman, would you please bring me an oil can?'

Man selling lamb weekly

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

First Novels.

"National security adviser"

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Gay Times...

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."