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Self help acupuncture

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Postwar is hell."

Couples' therapy

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'We have three minutes left.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I feel off. I want to feel off and running."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

The Chicken Who Crossed the Road, in therapy. My motives are always being questioned!

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

Emoticon Encouragement Therapy

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."