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Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

Inclusive speech

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

Lethal Presentation