Public Relations Gifts

'Legal says we could get by with the term 'super' but adding 'duper' might be pushing it.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"There sits the unvarnished truth. Now, how shall we interpret it to our advantage?"

'Get me public relations!'

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'So, Bob, we've decided to do some rebranding!'

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"Let's change 'brink of chaos' to 'Everything is wonderful.'"

"Yes, but take away the rodent droppings and the occasional shard of glass, and you've still got a damn fine product."

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

'Yes, it IS a powerful message....but we're selling dental floss.'

"'Killer Whale' is terrible branding. From now on, people will call you 'Happy Silly Fun Fish.'"

'This will make the consumers think differently about our bacteria problem,'

"Well, for this amount we could do you a nice word-of-mouth campaign!"

"Then he slammed the door on me!" "Not the closing you were hoping for."

'I realize working in the Complaints Department can be tough. But it must be a thrill to work with the public on a daily basis.'

'I'm very impressed with how you effectively dodged every one of my questions.'

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

"Obviously, because he had the best P.R. people he was the most famous reindeer of all."

'In addition to our web, radio/tv and print advertising, we'd like you to add word of mouth. We feel you're the one for the job.'

'Okay, so we went over the top with it, but our PR team said it would generate a lot of buzz.'

"As I mentioned before, Fassler, you'll never go anywhere until you start using 'impact' as a verb."

Information, Clarification, and Correction.

'Please... take... a... moment... to... complete... our... brief... survey... to... help... improve... customer... satisfaction... '

"The nationwide recall and the class action lawsuits have established brand recognition for us."

'The key to customer service is staying one step ahead of the customer. Especially if he's irate.'

'If there are no other ideas, then it's agreed we blame the media.'

Advertising Agency - "Phew! Fooling some of the people all the time is hard work."

"...Leave the new improved and miracle breakthrough stuff to our advertising dept."

Desk plaque reads: Plunder globally, media-manage locally.

Business Confidence - Confident Rhetoric

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"