Public Image Pillows

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"I can't wear that hat. I have to protect my product."

'Nobody likes me at school. I need a personal assistant, a trainer and a P.R. firm!'

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Hollywood Sign Developers

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'How fast can you hype?'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."