Public Image Pillows

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"I can't wear that hat. I have to protect my product."

'Nobody likes me at school. I need a personal assistant, a trainer and a P.R. firm!'

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

They hated me.

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"National security adviser"

Inclusive speech

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."