Pub Jokes Prints

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

You have had enough

'We are now entering sombre hour, happy hour has finished.'

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

"Harpy Hour."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

'You know that's not what I meant when I asked you to take the dog out!'

Drunken hamster at the bar says to the Easter Bunny: 'You got lucky, Bunny. Things could've been so different for the Harvest Festival Hamster.'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

'I'm sorry, boss, but you tell them to leave.'

'My beer's not cloudy. The glasses are dirty.'

No glasses to be taken outside.

'Are you trying to be funny?'

"Actually, I'm from New Jersey. The nickname comes from thirty years in the textile business."

'Will the lady be coming back, Sir? She hasn't finished her drink.'

'You better not start anything...'

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

'Stout has a white head on top.' 'To show you which end to drink first.'

"A tax inspector dies and ends up in hell.... Than't's the funniest joke I've heard all night."

"Don't mind me, Riche – it's just the rabies talking."

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

"Do you think terrorists could ever poison the vodka supply?"

Until the cows come home, they're doing this.

Bear in a bar going to the door marked 'Woods' next to the toilet door