Psychotherapy Aficionado Pillows

"Nobody loved little William Poopy-Pants."

'Actually, what makes you think I suffer from insufficiency syndrome?'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

Licensed Therapist

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'My understanding of psychiatry is that women fantasiss and men internalise - in fact I'd like to internalise right now.'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Couples' therapy

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

X-ray Psychology.

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"I'm the bad guy..."

* For latent content, see your psychiatrist.

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

Pavlov's Puppy

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'We have three minutes left.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven