Proud Parents Club Gifts

Right before baby's first text.

"Another round of iced teas, and would you please find a placemat that will actually challenge our gifted son."

'True happiness!'

"He did well in his exams. He got an A level in creative knitting."

"Joey is very good at mental arithmetic: I call him little pocket calculator..."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Baby's first two-step.'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"Mom, Mom, watch me!"

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Vanessa has done a not bad de Kooning."

"He looks just like your husband."

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'

"We're so proud. Only 5 months old and already knows how to scroll and swipe."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'Oooh, Jimmy, the teacher put another throwing star on your paper! Great!'