Proposal Prankster Pillows

'Well, what if I were the last HETEROSEXUAL man on earth?'

'Honey, do you want to marry...umh... Honey?'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

Tonite: Gala Costume Party. Got your costume for the big party? No, I'll just part my hair on the other side and go as my own reflection.

'Let me present today's speaker.'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

Football anagram: Curse straw mat (Answer: Marcus Stewart.)

Footballer changes shirt with the ref.

'It's too early to start being good for Christmas. I always wait until at least the Thanksgiving left-overs are all gone.'

Sartre's E-Mail

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

'Which one do you think Dracula's in?'

'Okay, this is the scene where the bear becomes a parachute.'

'Sir, you need special help to fix this problem. Please hold the line whilst I put you through to our exorcist.'

An artist waits to ambush an easel

History's First Prop Gag

Work stress.

"Student unicorn"

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

"Mrs. Oliphant, what is the company policy on our company policy?"

Man's house has sign reading 'Sod the council'. His neighbour says: 'Frankly, I'm amazed you got planning permission.'

'Don't worry Honey there isn't anyone for miles!'

Bowled out.

"Kevin gerrymandered our room again!!"

Politics Books

'I'm going to have to let you go. Even though you're one of the best computer programmers we've ever had, we just can't tolerate you eating the other employees.'

"This perfect present can't disappoint anybody because you buy it, wrap it in and throw it away."

That tom cat's spraying up the wall again

Artist paints nude model with Etch-a-Sketch.

'Now see, we couldn't have this kind of fun, if we met online.'

'I'm sorry Adam, but you're ugly... I mean we all are, but especially you.'

"I'm not a rule breaker, but the no eye blinking is going to be a tough one."