Property Watcher T-Shirts

"Don't worry, dear. When it comes to getting you a better place, money is no object."

Spiro & Pusho and the Scavenger.

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'The birdseed's okay. But I just like driving 'em crazy.'

Dog says hi to a cat.

Worthless B*****ds

Ape ambushes anteater hiding behind a monolith.

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Suburban street.

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

"He's very finicky."

Penguins hanging about in their underwear rush to put their 'suits' on when an aeroplane goes past.

"Oh, I'm so-o-o-o-o impressed."

The Red Cat: Seasonal Adjustment/Twigged/Herbacious Border Controls.

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"

"When you said something about a stream, I thought you were talking about video."

'Never shoot straight up.'

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

'Phase Two : More of the same'

"So, how's that 'Tiny House living' working for you so far?"

"It has tremendous possibilities."

'We video all these trick or treat transactions...for security reasons.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

Estate Agents.

'I didn't care much for the first ACA, but I'd like to suggest a second ACA. The 'Affordable Congressman Act.''

'With so many children, I can't afford to live in a choo anymore.'

Real Estate Life

'Peter Brady, you get down from there right now! Pear trees are for partridges only!'

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

'Home builders' watch the 'Housing starts' chart with excitement

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'