Property Vendor Pillows

"Hang on - I thought you said it was a listed building..!!"

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"Look, son, real estate."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

Reverse Mortgage.

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"I've just bought five acres of prime oceanfront. Want to help me build on it?"

"When we said we'd build 'affordable' homes we had a particular buyer in mind."

Mouse real estate!

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

An exaggeration of estate agents

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

"Sold his air rights."

Home Sweet Second Home.

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."