Property Vendor Pillows

"Hang on - I thought you said it was a listed building..!!"

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Real Estate Krisp Flakes: Location! Location! Location!

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"Look, son, real estate."

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

Reverse Mortgage.

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'We'll convert it into flats and revitalise the area.'

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'I think this is deep enough for the foundations!'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

Mouse real estate!

"Sold his air rights."

"I've just bought five acres of prime oceanfront. Want to help me build on it?"

Home Sweet Second Home.

An exaggeration of estate agents

"When we said we'd build 'affordable' homes we had a particular buyer in mind."

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'I can count on one hand the number of contracts that I didn't finish on time.'

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."