Promising T-Shirts

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

What else is there to wish for?

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Flag bearers

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

"Dear Author: Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to reject your work."

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

Construction zone ends. Please resume following your bliss.

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

"I agree you're due for a raise, and when you leave my office, you'll still be due for a raise!"

How To Keep Promises

"You should learn how to play the guitar. It'll give you something to fall back on."

'Instead of being just like Michael Jordan, I wanna be just like Barack.'

A writer walks over water towards a publisher

"Or you could see it as the first step in an environmentally friendly, sustainable and affordable self-build project!"

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"If I promise to take you on a fact-finding junket to Bermuda, I'll have to promise to take every voter to Bermuda."

"Keep your eyes open, something will come along"

"Some day I'll be president of the United States."

'I just wrote a novel on this phone and sent it to 137 publishers and got back 129 rejections in 12 seconds.'

The end is not nigh!

'Do you believe in a parallel universe?' 'I'm COUNTING on a parallel universe.'

Feel good looks great

'I just hope this doesn't jeopardize my political career.'

'It's nice to see an optimist for a change.'