Promising T-Shirts

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

What else is there to wish for?

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Flag bearers

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

'What's the use? Everyone has his own PC future-probability program these days.'

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

"Dear Author: Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to reject your work."

Construction zone ends. Please resume following your bliss.

"I agree you're due for a raise, and when you leave my office, you'll still be due for a raise!"

How To Keep Promises

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

The Supreme Court and the March of Progress

"You should learn how to play the guitar. It'll give you something to fall back on."

'Instead of being just like Michael Jordan, I wanna be just like Barack.'

So You Want to be a Political Rock 'n' Roll Star

Baby World. Quick, honey, give me your hand - You can feel the wallet kicking!

Walk right in. Sit right down.

A writer walks over water towards a publisher

"Or you could see it as the first step in an environmentally friendly, sustainable and affordable self-build project!"

"Keep your eyes open, something will come along"

"If I promise to take you on a fact-finding junket to Bermuda, I'll have to promise to take every voter to Bermuda."

"Some day I'll be president of the United States."

'I just wrote a novel on this phone and sent it to 137 publishers and got back 129 rejections in 12 seconds.'

The end is not nigh!

"Look! My first paycheck from my summer job!"

'Do you believe in a parallel universe?' 'I'm COUNTING on a parallel universe.'

'Wow! This zombie apocalypse is doing wonders for my fitness...'

Today's MAN LESSON is "The Art of Promising." I'm ready. Part one: Never

'I just hope this doesn't jeopardize my political career.'

Feel good looks great