Profitability Gifts

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

Watering Money

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

Let's Celebrate

Business is off the chart.

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"I love your optimism."

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'There are only three things that matter in this world, son... bottom line...'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"Oh, I can't complain"

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'But I do have fun, I have lots of fun. I have lots of fun making lots of money.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."