Profitability Gifts

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

Watering Money

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

Business is off the chart.

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Let's Celebrate

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

"I love your optimism."

'There are only three things that matter in this world, son... bottom line...'

Smiling businessman with rising profits

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

"Oh, I can't complain"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly have a way with no words.'

"This is where things started getting really weird."

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'But I do have fun, I have lots of fun. I have lots of fun making lots of money.'

"I can't understand it, we did quite well in the first three quarters.

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.