Profit Detective Pillows

'The good news is, profits are up 74%, the bad news is, we don't know why.'

"Well, we know it's WAY down there, but it may be beyond the range of our equipment."

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'I blame him!'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Do you know who makes the biggest profit? Not the manufacturer or the retailer: the warehouse manager."

'Go crunch these numbers again. They're a little hard to swallow.'

'Hang on, have we got this right?'

'Here's another piece of the profit puzzle.'

'After two days of intensive calculations I have figures out why your company doesn't make any profit: your expenses are too high. That'll be 4, 785,000 euros, please.'

"'Statistics will prove anything' is right, Carruthers. They prove you screwed up."

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'There are only three things that matter in this world, son... bottom line...'

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'Crisis'

'We need to change the introduction to our annual report. What's another word for bankrupt?'

'I have no one to blame but myself, for now.'

IRS Audit Section

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

'If nobody has any money, where did it all go?'

'This is our Greek debt, this is our Spanish debt, and this is our Portuguese debt...'

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

The United States' economy deflating.

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

Dark money donor