Profile Optimizer T-Shirts

'Please tell me that you have something else to offer?'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

The Devolution of Man

Bank. Moving Co. Joe got an apartment above the bank. He moved his things in today. Now he can say his "assets are over ten million dollars"!

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'Office real estate' lifting weights

"Well, Mr. Hicks, your resume looks quite impressive and of course, the fact that you can sniff out truffles is a plus!"

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

'The way I see it, we only have two choices, we either improve the quality of our product or we hire some really great sales people.'

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

'Get me into that 15% tax bracket I've heard so much about.'

'I don't know anything about anything, but I'm great at looking stuff up!'

"I've just been spiffing up my image a bit."

'This is Billy...my caddy and designated putter.'

Your online profile didn't say you were a bottom feeder.

Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the

"When the dust settles we're all going to be very dusty."

The Joy of Recession

'I can take out some of the padding if I appear overqualified.'

"There was a lot of tension between his ergonomics and his feng shui."

'I'm happy to report that the position has been narrowed down to you and 958 other people.'

'Let's try to improve our workstations even more.'

'First, the office walls went, then the ceilings and floors and now, well, here we are.'

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