Profile Optimizer T-Shirts

'Please tell me that you have something else to offer?'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

The Devolution of Man

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"But sir, you may think you want underwear, but your internet consumer profile says you want a jet ski."

'Office real estate' lifting weights

"Well, Mr. Hicks, your resume looks quite impressive and of course, the fact that you can sniff out truffles is a plus!"

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

'Would you be interested in adding a few options?'

'The way I see it, we only have two choices, we either improve the quality of our product or we hire some really great sales people.'

'Get me into that 15% tax bracket I've heard so much about.'

'I don't know anything about anything, but I'm great at looking stuff up!'

'This is Billy...my caddy and designated putter.'

"There was a lot of tension between his ergonomics and his feng shui."

'I can take out some of the padding if I appear overqualified.'

"I've just been spiffing up my image a bit."

"When the dust settles we're all going to be very dusty."

'I'm happy to report that the position has been narrowed down to you and 958 other people.'

'Let's try to improve our workstations even more.'

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Overqualified for some jobs - underqualified for others.