Professors T-Shirts

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

"I'd like to extend a special welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time, as part of a nightmare you're having."

'Please welcome our first speaker who will discuss 'The Challenges of Globalisation'.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

'Centre for the study of obscure and useless things.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

City of Round Holes welcomes you to the University of Square Pegs.

Sweet Girl Graduates

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

"Well, here's your problem. You need an O right there."

Lewis Carroll and Colleagues

Rene Descartes

"Is plagiarism the same as value adding?"

'No one read it.'

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

Bird flying over graduation ceremony.

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Doctorate Stand

Weapens of Mass Instruction

"Well, we got the grant."

Roads Scholar

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"Implications of Reaganism."

"Of course we have disinvited Chelsea Manning to be a fellow. Since the surgery, she's no long a fellow, is she?"

"Oh, is that so, smart guy? Remind me where you took YOUR degree in African Studies."

Things equal to the same thing are equal to each other. That's "Euclid." Some of us call him "Mister Obvious."

Introduction to Shakespeare. No, the course title doesn't mean you'll get to actually meet Shakespeare.

Philosophy Department. 38 days without logical fallacy. (Published originally on December 6, 2007.)

Woman Bored at Dinner