Procurement Manager T-Shirts

Eeny, meeny, miny, mo...

"All six suppliers are complaining that you are not taking this selection process seriously!"

'To enable them to provide the service we require the procurement team have submitted a request for seven wands, a crystal ball and a time machine...'

"When I hired you to improve our procurement process I was expecting more than go faster stripes on the strategy document!"

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

Fairytale procurement disasters

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

'...so you need us to slow time, break the law and perform three miracles...by next Tuesday. You need to dial extension 101 and ask for the Wizard of Oz!'

Karen was delighted that both her large and small suppliers had turned up for her industry day

Supplier Competition

"I'm starting to see that you and I have a different understanding of the term 'green procurement' Briggs..."

'This service has been brought back in house and outsourced numerous times. I propose that as the contract is up for renewal again we consider 'shaking it all about''

'Please tell me these are NOT the outcome of the e-procurement for the new signs contract!'

"I have decided to change your title from Procurement Director to Director of Buying Things."

"Are you sure this is how procurement challenges are resolved?"

"There's no money in restaurants anymore, it's all about procurement now."

"You the fellow who ordered computer parts in bulk?"

"That isn't MY definition of contract segmentation..."

"You may have gotten huge saving on our phone service, Johnson, but this isn't AT&T!"

"I've had a chat with a chap I know in China about getting more of those PPE thingies...That'll be £32 million please!"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

Made in China

Economy

Manufacturing will take place in China...So what role does Europe have?...you borrow money to be the customer

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

Supply Chain

Coronavirus: Consequences for the economy!

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Blowing dust off an order book.