Procurement Director T-Shirts

"I have decided to change your title from Procurement Director to Director of Buying Things."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'Yes, can I help you?'

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

You can breed these if the environment is right.

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

Supply Chain

"This is what happens when you award the contract to the cheapest tender...."

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

"Procurement and their stakeholder journey down the procurement pathway... Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"So do I take it that's a 'NO' to the pay rise?"

Sales used to be through the roof, now they're through the floor.

How Many It Takes

"Well so much for our policy of putting the customer second!"

'We're plowing our excess profits back into justifying our profits.'

Sales tied in knots

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"Any ideas on how to convince the public that we're cute?"

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

"UK government aren’t budging boss. Sole supplier or not under the new procurement regulations our new contract has to have three KPIs..."

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'Employee benefits? Sure, here you are!'

Maps to all the corporate trap doors for sale here!

"I'd like you to meet our director of scratch-and-sniff advertising."

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

Circus. Clown Dept. You realize, of course, you'll have to share the company car.

"Aren't you the old guy in purchasing whose decades of slavish devotion inspired us to replace you with a small army of sycophants?"

'The secret of getting a good job that fits you perfectly is letting yourself in on what that really is!'