Prison Sentence Pillows

'I need a new hobby in here. I used to be into creative accounting.'

'Wow, I used to be a Master of the Universe too!'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Madoff and devil.

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"I stole me a pot of gold. That's how I became a Lepre-CON."

Police Lineup Escape

'The chechako sparged rhamnose into his yerba.'

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'You can't cash your paychecks until your 6 month probation is satisfactorily over.'

Exhibition for Prisoners

Exposed and imprisoned.

Locking Up Crime

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

Cell division

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'Ever since we converted the church into a jail, everyone is finding Jesus.'

"You're goin' up the river, Sammy."