Prison Interest Pillows

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

'Let's get a kitty.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

Locking Up Crime

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'The chechako sparged rhamnose into his yerba.'

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

Cell division

"You're goin' up the river, Sammy."

"My Doordash driver is at the front gate."

'Ask the judge if we can put more than two inmates serving life plus 99 years into one cell!'

"Goodbye prison, hello 24/7 work culture!"

'What I miss most is flossing after every meal.'

Prison Wallpaper.

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

'I said there is a F-I-L-E in the C-A-K-E!'

"Maximum security prison"

'The worst case of insider trading I've ever seen.'

He always bring in cream cakes on his birthday

'I was a drifter. They got me for defying the law of gravity.'

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

CCTV on torture cage.

"I'd like to be in the kind of relationship with someone where we finish each others sentences."

Please wait to be seated (by electric chair).

'Man, you are the first parole office to truly understand me.'