Prison Interest Pillows

Wasn't that nice? The cops made me a photo album of my friends!

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"After the judicial system, I'm my own harshest critic."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

Yoga Sequence to Avoid

'Let's get a kitty.'

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

'Other than the fact that you were a trustee at the county jail, do you have any other character references?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Locking Up Crime

'She's promised to wait for me but I only hope her memory isn't what it was!'

'The chechako sparged rhamnose into his yerba.'

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

Cell division

'Ask the judge if we can put more than two inmates serving life plus 99 years into one cell!'

"Goodbye prison, hello 24/7 work culture!"

"My Doordash driver is at the front gate."

"You're goin' up the river, Sammy."

'What I miss most is flossing after every meal.'

Prison Wallpaper.

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

Please wait to be seated (by electric chair).

'The worst case of insider trading I've ever seen.'

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

"I'd like to be in the kind of relationship with someone where we finish each others sentences."

'I was a drifter. They got me for defying the law of gravity.'

"Maximum security prison"

CCTV on torture cage.

'I said there is a F-I-L-E in the C-A-K-E!'

Voice of GPS: 'Recalculating...'

'Yes, Frank, yes. That's how my body will fall when you kill me, and your laughter will echo down the corridors...'

He always bring in cream cakes on his birthday