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'A break-out? Forget it. Security's too tight. Can't even break out in a sweat around here without getting caught.'

'Let's get a kitty.'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

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'He didn't wash his hands.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"They want to spend the weekend at Daddy's" (Colour)

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'Hey. You're back.'

'I'm in here for something I didn't do alright-I didn't pay my Council Tax!'

"He stole my heart, I stole his wallet. – Now that's what I call vengeance."

'But I learned a valuable lesson: Before you put out a contract on anyone, be sure to read the fine print.'

"Any word on my appeal?"