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Wishful Thinking Magazine - circulation chart.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'I think the mouse is playing-up again love.'

Baby vandalizes an art gallery.

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

Why are you waving that big magnet over my hard drive?

Tonite: Gala Costume Party. Got your costume for the big party? No, I'll just part my hair on the other side and go as my own reflection.

'It's a new rule, sir - There's a seven-day waiting period for stamps now.'

"Mum can you come home quick, dad's started to make an exhibition of himself again!"

"...and if you both can successfully complete this CAPTCHA, we'll continue with the vows."

"Mr. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask Kelley to ask Dawn to ask Lisa to tell you he'd like to see you in his office."

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'Sorry, Kevin. You have given an incorrect command.'

"I'm away from my desk or on another line. Please leave a message at the sound of my impersonation of a beep."

"Which of you knows how to operate the paper shredder?"

'I accidentally hacked into Mom's microwave oven.'

Postman walking away from mailbox after putting mail in. Sounds of it eating can be heard.

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"I'd like a 'change of address' card."

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

"Oh no! Not computer bugs again!"

Unbeknown to others, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

'And all these years I just thought you were very proficient.'

Extremely Realistic Virtual Reality.

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

Book signing The Art Of Forgery - "Gee thanks, Oprah Winfrey."

After exhaustive auditions, Rudy Park hires a new writer. You should've seen the brawl that broke out between Rowling, Twain and Watterson. They all really wanted the gig … until they heard what it pays. So who'd we hire? Darrin Bell. The guy who draws us. That clown? Shhh!! What? I'm not afraid of him. To be continued …

'... and when the user's blood pressure goes over 100, the computer shuts down, the siren sounds, and the neon sign beings to flash!'

"That's just my agent - pay him no heed."