Primitive Humorist Pillows

Mammoth Posing

"You keep that up, and eventually the earth will be too warm

'Does it have any military applications?'

The invention of the wheel and the axel.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"Take that mammoth back. It's not 'wooly' enough."

Early on-line shopping

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.