Primary Earner Pillows

"Call yourself a breadwinner. You're a breadloser."

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

celebrating a birth.

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Busking, "Stop worrying your father for money."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Love.

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

Birthday Racing Car

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Valentines Balloons

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'And that,and that,and that...'

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

'Guess who made a bushel today?'

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

'Let's play doctor. You be the primary care giver and I'll be the doctor you refer patients to.'

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'A globe warming party?...Guys, you shouldn't have!'

A feminist Christmas.

'Don't worry -- I used a bond issue.'

'The farmer's kids asked me to wake them early tomorrow: It's Christmas day!'

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to the less fortunate...

'You've agreed to work Sundays, haven't you!'

Santa's Out Tray.

'If you ask me, toys are getting far too realistic!'

'I know you've worked hard on it, dear, but maybe we should get the Rabbi a . . . uh. . . 'back up' birthday present too?'