Price Pragmatist Pillows

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Drive-thru Church

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'The tests are pretty conclusive, Mrs. Kane. It's going to be a brat.'

Moanathon.

Put it in writing!

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"I don't have a set price. I charge what the market will bear."

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"Make the world a better place. If not that, then make lots of money so we can stay above it all."

"Expensive? Yes, but I don't exploit my mother."

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

Business man at desk, "My family? Hell no, those are my clients"

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

Gas prices

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!

"I'm looking for a card that says 'You're one step closer to the grave', but in a humorous way."

"I don't know if I want to marry, but I would like a combined household income."

"Gee, Mom, I'm sorry you're sick, but can't we get a sub?"

Supply and Demand.

Antique dealer examining a ring