Preventative Care Enthusiast Pillows

Flu Shot

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"What's that mark on your arm, Mama?"

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

"So you're interested in medicine, public relations, business, contract negotiations and insurance law? Which one will you study in school?"

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

Healthy Patients Only

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Get well soon!

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

Preventive medicine.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

Zika global alert

"You call all this a side effect?"

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

Eye, ear, nose, throat & real estate investment trusts.

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

Drug vending machines at hospital.

"I'll bet he takes other dangerous drugs too! See if we can catch him with an aspirin!"

"It's called being preemptive."

'Doc, my stiches are coming out,'

'What's this? You're suing me because the prescribed medication made you 'irrationally exuberant' in a down market?'

'I would have been here sooner, if not for a wonderful, caring, competent doctor.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

'Looks like a perfectly healthy limb to me.'