Pretend Aristocrat Mugs

"He likes it."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

A boy dressed as a cowboy riding a stick horse encounters a stick with a cow's skull at the end lying on the ground.

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

"Your princess voice is kind of patronizing."

"Jonathan! I've told you not to put your space toys in the freezer and pretend they're on the ice planet!"

"Take a pill in the morning, in the afternoon and at night."

'They say a man's home is his castle...here's your sceptre, your highness, the throne is plugged!'

'I don't want to rob the rich anymore, Marian, I want to BE the rich.'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

'I could have SWORN I outlawed dragons!'

Ethelred II

Queen

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

'Well, yes. We are losing the battle, sire. But this is just an exhibition...'

"We are not under siege, Your Majesty. You just have a siege mentality."

Desperate Househusbands

"How would you like to be queen for a day?"

'No, I can't be the horse, YOU have to be the horse!'

"Whoever he is, he has season tickets."

'Let's play school. I'll be the principal and you be the teacher, or you be the principal and I'll be the superintendent.'

A king stands on his balcony; his legs match the balustrade.

At a mansion with a doorman a dog and cat have their own little doors with their own little doormen.

"For Hispanic Heritage Month, I declare myself...queen of Hispanic heritage!"

Joel's mum was very strict. . . No homework, no air guitar.

'My brother-in-law asked for political asylum, so I had him committed.'

Private Phone Calls

"Overtime on the Humpty-Dumpty project is killing the treasury."

'I couldn't possibly kiss you. I just don't find you attractive. '