Press Conferences Gifts

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

'We've negotiated a contract in which my client agrees to always give it 104 percent.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

Communication Breakdowns

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"I'm going to read a statement and then I'll take questions.''

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

President Grant denies Ambitions for 3rd Term- A 'Blighting Effect' on Newspaper Editors

Dollars Press Conference

'Assuming present trends continue, the odds are quite good that we'll become the best-informed extinct species on the planet!'

'When I said I was going to resign my contract, I meant re-sign my contract for another five years!'

I'm sorry Charles is unavailable for polite comment.

These remarks are completely off the record

"When I said tart up the presentation, I meant the slides..."

"Please remember - if the President doesn't get mad at you, don't take it personally - Mr. Trump is very, very busy."

". . . and I wish he's shut up for a few minutes!"

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."

"That's a very good question, which is why we're going to move on to the next question."

"Heredity and environment play a role but what really shapes who you are is tax policy."

Santa Claus Always Delivers

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

"Very effective talk on the power of non-verbal communication."

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

The main reason I came out of hiding? FOMO."

'I have time for 3 more of those politically booby-trapped minefields you call questions.'

"Let's make it a few minutes longer and add more inside jokes."

"...were in fact not victims but just had a really, really hard time getting out of bed this morning."