Presenting At A Conference Pillows

"I'm honored to share my research at your virtual academic conference."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

Showbiz Awards

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"Any questions?"

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

It would be a painful forty five minutes before Arthur finally admitted he left his presentation at home.

The interested bystanders.

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'