Conference Presenter Pillows

Gorilla laptop.

"Just get out there and be yourself – or better yet, someone like me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Showbiz Awards

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

The interested bystanders.

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"Let me now direct your attention to the pepperoni."

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"I don't know what I'm going to do...my presentation is due on Monday and I haven't even started...I'm not sure I know how to speak."

Presentation skills.

Conference Pears

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'