Prescription Joke Enthusiasts Pillows

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

Dog forced to return bone

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

Hypochondria Hospital

'Where does it hurt?'

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'The good news is that you look good. The bad news is that you're not as good as you look.'

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

'Will the results of this probe be sent to my gastroenterologist?'

Tinnitus.

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

"I'm sure if we stand around here long enough, something funny will happen."

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"So how many penguins does it take to change the northern lights?"

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

"This is a winter you'll be able to tell your grandchildren about …. The winter the fed decided to tinker with interest rates."