Prescription Joke Enthusiasts Pillows

'It says not to use heavy machinery when taking these. What's heavy machinery?'

Dog forced to return bone

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

Hypochondria Hospital

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

'Where does it hurt?'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

Relax, I'm just here to pick up a prescription.

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

"And that one's for the relief of anxiety caused by the high cost of medication."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

I like a lot of witnesses around.

'Take two a day and in a couple of years you'll be a pharmacist!'

'The good news is that you look good. The bad news is that you're not as good as you look.'

'Will the results of this probe be sent to my gastroenterologist?'

Tinnitus.

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"This is a winter you'll be able to tell your grandchildren about …. The winter the fed decided to tinker with interest rates."

'We may as well make use of you.'

"I'm sure if we stand around here long enough, something funny will happen."

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."