Predictor Of Fates Gifts

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"Why bother?"

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Asking out a palm reader.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Channelling on the Cheap

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Pie Filling Reader

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'