Precision Gardener Prints

'...We go away for a long weekend - we get back and the garden's gone wild.'

Bullseye!

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"Technically, it's a mammal."

Okay, dig that one up!

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

Scales

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Snail trap

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

Efficiency Expert 'Back in 7 mins 35 secs'

"Hey look! It perfectly matches the virtual pot plant I gave you last year!"

"Ahh, if I'm not much mistaken. The sound of a Lawn Chief 420. Fitted with a 3.5 horse power, Briggs and Stratton engine. Electronic ignition, variable valve timing and a 55 litre grass box. Mmm don't you just love our Sunday mornings dear?"

Hipster Yard

'Sewer farm - 100% organic'

"How are you doing, Precious? I'm thinking about you. I'll be home soon, so don't you worry about a thing."

Genetically Modified Apples

'Mind if I trim the hedge back? It's over mine a bit!'

Solar powered sundial

"Thank you for finding the right depth to plant these, now try googling how to get your hands dirty."

saving water

Business Widow's Revenge

"Square tomatoes. Blue pumpkins? Inside-out corn."

"They just keep falling. It's as though they're mocking me with their hideous persistence. I know they hate me, hahaha! You'll all be sorry..." "Leaf insanity"

"My hair stylist used to be a topiarist."

"He is very competitive. . . when he read about someone 'growing' a garden chair and he decided to grow a recliner and HDTV with surround sound system."

Ingenuity

"Mrs. Dillof ... Mr. Dillof?"

This had the potential to get really nasty...

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'