Preaching Prints

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'I can remember when you only had to worry about delivering good sermons.'

'I think I can speak for the Bishop, when I say...'

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

How's my sermon. . .

"-Haven't seen my notes for Sunday's sermon lying about anywhere, dear?"

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

Evangelist with tuba

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

'Nobody, but nobody sleeps through Pastor Norcupp's sermons.'

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

Doug Coe

Enlightened cat

Pastor Andy's pet peeves finally get the better of him.

"I don't know how he does it. He preaches entire sermons without using the words like, cool or awesome."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

Please follow safe worship practices.

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

I'm not pontificiating, am I?

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"Repent, lest the Axe of Judgement fall upon thee!"

"And God said - Let there be preachiness."

...As we know, Jesus was a carpenter... but I don't think he actually sang on any of their records..."

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"Three million a year before bonuses."

"He sounds just like he does on the radio."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."