Prankster Pillows

"Can I borrow those kittens for an hour? I want to freak out the people who had me spayed."

'It's not that Ted was a bad guy, he was just all out of 5's.'

"When Dr. Henderson comes in, everybody play dead."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Guess who?"

After years of abuse, mittens exacts his revenge...

"In the hat! In the hat!"

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

"I never know when you're kidding."

Banana Warning

'Now relax and the doctor will begin your hearing test in just a moment.'

"Please, Al. You know the backstroke scares the children."

'No, Kevin. It wasn't romantic and it isn't the thought that counts!'

"This is programmed with the answers to 500 popular essay questions."

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

Fake Near-death Kit.

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"And mark it 'strictly confidential' - I want everybody to read it."

Man Jumps Out Of Plane With No Parachute.

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

Guess your weight, height, date of birth, e-mail address, and social security number.

Surprise Party

'Oh geez, looks like this new harness has a trick release on it, so be careful there, Bob... Bob?'

'Somehow, Jeffrey McCoy got hold of a medical alert bracelet that says 'requires daily cookie'.'

'Help's on the way, Billy! For God's sake, keep sucking!'

'My doctor says I should try to have more fun at work.'

'I don't think we should plug it in.'

'We merely talk to them about time shares until they leave voluntarily.'

'And finally, I would like to be buried with an elephant bone...Just to confuse future archaeologists.'

Scaring the hunter.

"...I said 'show me your PASS!'"

"Here's the problem...somebody set the laser printer on stun"

What makes you think the rest of the class doesn't like you, Jones?

'Cannonball!'

"...this pine cone I found is special because it has a pin and the word 'danger' written on it."