Practicality Guru T-Shirts

'Dear, it's better to light a candle than curse the nation's crumbling electrical grid.'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

Motivation to work

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Looks like our days at the think tank are numbered."

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

Grandma was very innovative in her ideas!

Here's a new Blackberry with a special silent alarm that vibrates and delivers a small electrical shock. We call it the Gooseberry.

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

Working Environment

"I think you're becoming a workaholic."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'As usual, I'm right on time. My internal alarm clock always wakes me just as theses meetings are over.'

'I start my day by making a list of everything I need to do . . . and who I can get to do it for me.'

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

'Here, here and here the copier was jammed...'

Dept. of Mathematics and Frustration.

"This is part of the privatisation I don't like."

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

'This either means 'get busy', or I'm damned.'

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

Still the Same

'Just how informal is this constitution?'