Practical Skills Pillows

'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'

"I wasn't smart enough for college. So instead of a diploma and a quarter million of debt all I've got is a growing plumbing business and a steady income."

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'Home Schooling'

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

"I had to hire younger employees to keep up with today's technology and social media."

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

Fishing Contest

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

The man who discovered smoke

The girl with the sensible shoes.

"To heck with a husband... just help me find a dependable electrician."

"I need out-of-the-box thinking with off-the-shelf practicality."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

"And I can install the latest version of Microsoft as well as Word and 17 other applications!"

Sleeping musician

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

In a Quandary

'I'm here to help, you can tell me anything in complete confidence Jane, Jill...whatever your name is!'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

'How can he remember 37 passwords but always forget to pick his clothes up off the floor?'

I bet we would have been able to put you together again if all the king's schools hadn't cut all the king's shop classes.

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

'What training do I get?'

'What is wrong with you, Covington? Larson's sales territory is twice the size of yours, and yet she managed to find the time to learn how to palm a basketball!'

"I can't take the job in customer relations. I hate the customers. How can I possibly deal with their relatives?"

"I'm ordering some hot lingerie online...Relax romeo, it's thermal underwear."

"Sorry, but until spring I need to improve my play from the rough."

"That's Terri and Kip. . . our Imaginators. And over here is Al. He's our Get-real-inator."

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

"It flies perfectly. The problem is that it doesn't sweep."

'Never mind all that stuff! Can you see somewhere to park next tuesday?'

'...open beer bottles with his teeth.'