Practical Planner Pillows

Life insurance company

'As a graduation present my parents ae going to remodel their basement for my home.'

'Now that you've had an hour to enjoy your bonus, when are we going to spend it?'

Sale: His and Her's weekender bags.

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I'll settle for 'meals on wheels'."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"We only got six days of funding."

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

God's Subcontractors

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

When Engineers Crack.

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'We took the old plan, folded in half, and now it's the new plan.'

"I think you might need to start again."

Innovation & Calculation

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

"Compare Calculate Contrast Before you make a move"

Waiting for retirement.

A cat is hiding in a block of cheese to lure a mouse out of its hole.

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'So far, sir, we've rejected plans A,B, C, D, E, F, and right now we're evaluating'G'.'

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

'We had no contingency plan for things going right.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

Engineer on the move.

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

A wiser and a better man

"I'd love to sit down and discuss my project with you some time. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'