Practical Cooks T-Shirts

'My mom doesn't use recipes, she uses pizza coupons.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Horn of Leftovers

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Baloneystini

All-Candy Seder.

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

Picasso

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"Fridge-to-table"

'Tastes just like my mother's pies because she too made hers from a mix.'

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

Onion Guillotine

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

Spiro & Pusho mincing fish in meat mincer.

Cooks

Clandestine Cuisine

Wife at breakfast: 'We're out of sugar - how about chocolate milk on your cereal?'

'Great crisps.' 'Yes, they're old cornflakes and salt.'

'Hoopla!'

"Why are they called freshers when they only eat processed food?"

'I'm short of ingredients. What's a good substitute for filet mignon?'

Dîner Transportable - plus dessert.

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

Kitchen chef

'I hope you like it. I call it refrigerator cleanout casserole.'