Poverty Gifts

A panhandler with a sign that reads "From each according to his ability…. To each according to his need."

"The trick is to fall through the right cracks."

'Oh, but I do have a job, sir -- I'm on my lunch break.'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'The great thing is, the poor won't be able to squander it on luxuries such as dignity, equality and hope!'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

Hypocrisy about poverty

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

Sales

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

'How much did you save this year?'

"Well, my paycheck barely pays the bills, I might need a second job, my wife is on my case, and my dad's in the hospital."

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

'Less spare change under the cushion is my leading economic indicator!'

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

"Don't tell me we've got to stay even longer in this godforsaken dump!"

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

Denmark: Begging is against the law!