Post-divorce Life Mugs

"You haven't asked me how the divorce went, Lew."

Marriage least expected to last...

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

The Gayhorns

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

Change your style, learn to smile!

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'Since they divorced I'm living with my mom, but every other weekend my dad is entitled to take me for a walk.'

'Then, just when I lost twenty pounds and was voted tops in my gym class he ran off with the fatso next door!'

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

Lawyer: 'She got the house, he got the money, and somehow, I ended up with the kid.'

"She’s getting the house and cars, but you get to retain all your unique streaming services passwords."

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'My date last night reminded me of my ex-husband - turns out that's who he was!'

"Separate clouds, please."

"It's through our attorneys, but at least we're talking."

'Let's table whether I've suffered enough and talk about my upcoming second marriage.'

'I can't ta;l now, you moron. Your alimony check is in the mail!'

"That's cool. My parents never fight over me."

"I hope you don't mind. I used the same recipe that made me crazy enough to marry my first wife."

"I'm not sure why my marriage ended. I'm still waiting for the forensic report."

"Please bear with me. I'm only recently back on the singles scene."

'All my friends are divorced, and I'm not even married.'

"What accident? I just got divorced!"