Posh Dining Appreciator Pillows

Restaurant Musician

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Regular service or affected?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Expense account or regular?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

Wine taster with mineral water

"Can you recommend a wine that goes well with red meat, Zanex, and Lipitor?"

"I'll have the Mediterranean truffle sea bass, pan seared, and thrown into my mouth from across the room."

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"We're out of flowers."

'Tartar sauce?! Heavens no. My dentist would kill me.'

-A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

"Interested in some romantic punk rock during your dinner?"

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'

"Wow, you've got to try this combination."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Let's make the bill easy and just split it."

"Oops, my bad … It is vinegar."

"Will the gentleman want the saumon poché with or without his initials?"

Drinks same as table decoration

"A bottle of your finest formula for the table."

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

Survival of the Foodiest

"We have a Sauvignon Blanc to refresh your palate or a lick of this toad to obliterate your sense of self."

"Here, this might fit."