Portrait Critic Gifts

'It looks nothing like me!'

Cariactures

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"You're my Mona Lisa."

Framed Lady

"Caricatures $20"

Diego Velasquez

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

'Do me a favor and don't let my dog see my license photo.'

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

Couple painting each other - one turns to the other and says, 'Hon, let's hire a model.'

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

Family Portrait Abuse.

El Greco

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

'He's picture perfect, alright, but the negative leaves a little to be desired.'

Artistic Licence.

"And that's me as a shepherdess!"

Rembrandt's Selfies

Michelangelo Buonarroti.

"now let's try one without the tusks."

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

Caricatures priced by how much they look like you.

'Have you considered drawing other people?'

Artist and the artist's model both thinking of the money.

'Well, you're not Michaelangelo!'

AUGUSTUS JOHN

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

'If I don't like it, I rearrange your face.'

"I dreamed Lucian Freud was coming to paint us."