Portrait Critic Gifts

'It looks nothing like me!'

Cariactures

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"You're my Mona Lisa."

Framed Lady

"I've considered portraiture, but everyone is so ugly."

"Caricatures $20"

Diego Velasquez

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

'Do me a favor and don't let my dog see my license photo.'

'I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

El Greco

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

Family Portrait Abuse.

Couple painting each other - one turns to the other and says, 'Hon, let's hire a model.'

Street painter puts real face on man with happy face.

Phoebe Mary Waller-Bridge caricature

Why does every kid want the wallet size? School picture, early days.

Rembrandt's Selfies

"This painting will make you so famous that you won't be able to walk down the street without being recognised."

Michelangelo Buonarroti.

You looked different during our video chat.

"And that's me as a shepherdess!"

"now let's try one without the tusks."

'He's picture perfect, alright, but the negative leaves a little to be desired.'

Artistic Licence.

Portrait artist drawing DNA patterns.

Caricatures priced by how much they look like you.

'Have you considered drawing other people?'

AUGUSTUS JOHN

'Well, you're not Michaelangelo!'

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

'If I don't like it, I rearrange your face.'

Artist and the artist's model both thinking of the money.