Popsicle Punster Pillows

'I bring you my cat that got locked in the deep-freezer and you make jokes about popsicles."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Where's all your fish?" "I never should have bought 'coy' fish."

Dogs life

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Note Book

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"We've managed to cut down the 16 pills you're taking to just one!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

"I want to be upfront. At this point, I'm only looking for a casual hookup of Frankenstein."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"Hmmmm. I'll bluff. Then they'll counter-bluff, so if I counter-counter-bluff...password should do it."

'Shakin' bacon.'

'Well, I just met the girl of my dreams -- you know, the kind you have when you eat anchovy pizza right before bed.'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

'Not too serious just a couple of particles collided.'

"Photons have mass, but their rest mass is zero."

'I think he'll be okay. He had a mild brush stroke.'

Surfin' the web.

"So the vet says, 'If this is my thermometer, then where's my pen?' . . . Get it!? . . . IS this thing on!?"

Timmy Gets Solitary.

"Of course, 'today seems to be dragging more than usual'. You came in on time, for once!"

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

"Find out who set up this experiment. It seems that half of the patients were given a placebo, and the other half were given a different placebo."

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

Flower: 'I wouldn't go in there if i were you Pal. The place is full of Skinheads.'